Is there magic to what makes some relationships last longer than others? Maybe. Do some people just sit back and sulk, while others seem to let life go by right over their heads and problems? It sure seems so.
Or maybe it’s just that some people learn secrets of success from their grandparents or other relatives. And since the latter is probably more accurate, here are some tried and true tips from people who have enjoyed long, happy relationships. These are just a few ways you can work to improve your relationship.
1. REFRESH – Take time to look back, refresh your memories and share what brought you together. Especially when times are difficult, lean back and rely on these old memories as your foundation and glue yourselves back together with them. (not literally, of course!)
2. DATES – Keep dating each other. Even if life seems too busy, meet at the end of the evening for something light and easy, like viewing your favorite sitcom (record it if necessary) together or playing a game.
3. FUN – Couples tend to have fun on dates, then get married and become too serious. Lighten up! Head to an Internet game site and join in any number of card or other games. Or head to a local rental shop and rent a game player and some games.
4. FORGET – No need to “always” remember the bad things that happened during an argument. Actively “forget” sometimes. Be the first to apologize and make up. Go for it!
5. SPACE – Give each other some space. Either you trust each other or you don’t. People need time alone and time with their mates and other friends. Be sure to give and take your fair share of space.
6. DISAGREE – Agree that it’s okay to disagree on some issues, and leave it at that. No need to create a new religion or political movement just to appease each other. You don’t HAVE to agree on everything. And you won’t. And that’s okay.
7. MEMORIES – Make some great ones together. Enjoy special moments, special anniversary dates and events. No need to be elaborate.
So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps and work to improve your relationship and let life’s problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationships.
Improving relationships require knowing what to do and how to do it. If you follow some tried and true tips, it is possible you can also improve your relationships.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Clues You Are In A Toxic Relationship
How can you tell if you are in a dangerous relationship? See if any of these sound familiar:
1. Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
2. Your partner says they love you, their actions don't show it
3. Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or following you
4. Your partner tries to make you dependent on them
5. You have changed to please them
Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
A toxic relationship has a cycle. You have a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation – at that point the cycle begins all over.
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in that honeymoon stage. It is not until you are drawn in further you realize that you are in a hostile relationship. Now it is difficult to get out.
Usually people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing what they are doing. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness.
But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression.
Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the offensive partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.
Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.
The truth is that you can salvage most relationships. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you have to be willing to walk away. If you aren’t willing to walk away, your problems will never be solved.
Once you have detached yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Refrain from nagging the other person. Say to them;“I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”
A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands. You can find a more detailed plan to solving toxic relationships in my favorite book, The magic Of making Up.
1. Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
2. Your partner says they love you, their actions don't show it
3. Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or following you
4. Your partner tries to make you dependent on them
5. You have changed to please them
Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
A toxic relationship has a cycle. You have a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation – at that point the cycle begins all over.
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in that honeymoon stage. It is not until you are drawn in further you realize that you are in a hostile relationship. Now it is difficult to get out.
Usually people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing what they are doing. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness.
But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression.
Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the offensive partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.
Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.
The truth is that you can salvage most relationships. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you have to be willing to walk away. If you aren’t willing to walk away, your problems will never be solved.
Once you have detached yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Refrain from nagging the other person. Say to them;“I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”
A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands. You can find a more detailed plan to solving toxic relationships in my favorite book, The magic Of making Up.
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