Why Lovers Hurt Their Beloved Ones

Someone who claims to be "in love", should never hurt the love of their life. Love demands that you care deeply for your beloved. You should be concerned about their feelings and make them as contented as possible.

You need to keep them as happy as possible fulfilling their dreams. Encourage them during tough times and always be there for them. If you don't do these simple thing, then maybe your love is not as strong as you think.

This does happen in many relationships all through life. These couples do not have to worry to know about heaven. Their home is heaven. But some relationships, if a lover wishes to break away for any reason including feelings of being treated unjust, the results will be heartbreaking.

Let's look at what can happen. As the lover who wishes to break away remembers all the investments they made for the love, they will feel that all was a waste. All the sacrifices were in vain. They did so much for many years, and now look at the result.

This frustration and anger is directed towards the partner. At that time the lover who is breaking away forgets that worse can happen to the one they are leaving. Only selfish thoughts occupy their mind.

This is the tragedy of such love. The one who is left behind might have made more sacrifices and given a lot more to the relationship. They are puzzled as to why this break up is happening. It is like a sudden earthquake. That is why I asked, that if you love someone, why would you hurt them?

What Is True Love?

The true source of fulfilling and satisfying loving relationships is not from seeking love, but is found within ourselves. Our own thoughts, expectations and behaviors determine the quality of true love we experience in our lives.

We can recognize true love as it is always empowering. True love gives, without expectations or demands in return. True love comes from a place within ourselves and expresses concern, kindness and joyfulness.

We know if we are experiencing true love by how we feel and act. Feeling needy, yearning to control or manipulate, planning or scheming to punish someone because they have disappointed us are not traits of true love.

Constantly finding flaws instead of acceptance, being possessive or jealous, and experiencing fright or sadness are all weaknesses that fill us with fear, anger and resentment. We can recognize that these feelings are not caused by true love.

These feelings are all generated by seeking to receive love from someone else. But we cannot get true love by demanding it or trying to force someone to love us. Love is never found with demands or ultimatums.

It is impossible to have true love by seeking it from someone else. These feelings make powerless victims out of us so we think our happiness is wholly dependent upon someone else behaving in a certain way. Only a relationship with God will give us true happiness.

If we find ourselves in this situation, the good news is, we don't have to remain in this vulnerable state that controls and weakens us. True love is within ourselves, and as we recognize this true love from God, we are able to discover enormous joy, comfort, kindness and happiness.

As we discover this power of true love, we will stop seeking love from outside of ourselves. We will know that our source of happiness is not dependent on the behaviors of someone else, but how our love is managed within ourselves, through God's love for us.

We, with our faith in God, are the only ones that create our own happiness. Our own happiness and contentment will cause us to serve another unselfishly, thereby receiving true love we want in return.

God's Purpose Of Marriage

It is discouraging to see so many marriages that are in turmoil these days, and it is especially frustrating to see them end up as messy divorces.

Without knowing the purpose of marriage, we will likely misuse or abuse it. Anytime anything is used wrongly or contrary to its intended use, we have frustrated the purpose for which it was intended and therefore misused it.

Before we discuss what the purpose of marriage is, lets talk about a couple reasons NOT to get married. You should not get married "To Be Happy". People, places and things cannot make you happy. Only a relationship with God will do that.

Another reason NOT to get married is to "Escape Problems". If you get married to escape problems, you are just creating more problems. As an example, a young girl says she wants to get married to get out from under her parents authority, especially her dad's. If she will rebel against her dad's authority, what makes you think she won't rebel against yours?

Now, why did God create and ordain marriage between one man and one woman? Lets discuss 5 biblical purposes God created marriage.

1. To Avoid Fornication. (I Corinthians 7:2) "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." Marriage is the arena by which God ordains that we express our sexuality.

2. Procreation And Rearing Functional Children. Morality must start at home. It is in our homes our children should be learning about the values of life. Parents should be teaching them about authority, about accountability, how to become functional members of the church and society.

3. To Serve And Love Another. Another purpose of marriage is for you to serve another. (I Corinthians 7:32-34) says that a single man or woman cares for the things of the Lord so that they may please the Lord, but the man and woman that is married, must care for the things of the world to please their mate.

4. For Two To Become One. Female, according to (Genesis 2), came out of male. Eve came out of Adam. And God brought them back together and made them one, in marriage; male and female.

5. Husbands And Wives Are As Christ And The Church. The home is a reflection of Christ and the Church. That's why it is supposed to have a male and female, a husband and wife. We are the bride of Jesus and he is our husband. The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church.

Learning and understanding God's purpose of marriage will have a profound affect on your marriage. Stronger marriages lead to stronger families whereby producing functional, God fearing children who will pass on their Godly values to their children.

Love Is Saying You're Sorry When Wrong

For some reason we don't like to say it, we don't always mean it and when we do think of it, it's never often enough. We seem to be a society that finds it hard to admit our faults, even when we ARE wrong. Love is saying you're sorry and from the heart.

Is says something about society in general when we question the need to apologize even in our closest relationships? If saying sorry exposes us to confrontation or scrutiny, shouldn't we be willing to accept that from our loved ones?

If people feel that saying they are sorry diminishes the respect they receive from others, or brings their judgment (and their intelligence) into question - what kind of people CAN apologize freely?

Perhaps the answer lies deeper than a person's perception of how they'll be viewed. What are the reasons for apologies?

Dr. Aaron Lazare tells his thoughts on the motives for apologies in an article entitled, 'Go Ahead, Say Your Sorry', published by Psychology Today. He indicates two positive reasons we apologize include, the desire to restore or salvage a relationship or diminish the pain you've caused someone.

The less admirable reasons for an apology he indicates include the desire to escape punishment or the need to clear a guilty conscience - whether the other party was offended or not.

Clearly the first two positive reasons for apologizing goes a long way towards creating happy, healthy relationships. Whether we are brought up to believe in admitting our guilt or not, taking a humble view of ourselves in order to benefit a relationship or an individual whom we've hurt is critical in maintaining respect for each other.

While some individuals may not require apologies from their partners, there is a certain loss of respect between the couple when one is not offered. The hurt partner has not gotten their pain acknowledged by the one they love. The offender now lives with the guilt or may start to believe their partner is not worthy of such acknowledgment.

In either case, the relationship suffers. On the other hand, frequent offenders may do too much apologizing. Their constant display of a guilty conscience forces the hurt partner to accept behavior that they should be questioning or challenging. Why can't we see that love is saying you're sorry when you're wrong?

Accepting each other, through bad times and good, is a big part of a loving and enjoyable relationship. Not making note of our mate's mistakes or judging each others weaknesses certainly has its place. But if you are willing to apologize for your lack of responsibility or good judgment; this will strengthen, rather than weaken, the bonds of a healthy relationship.